why didn't you poke me back
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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