Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
