I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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