So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
