i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
BRING THE BAGELS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
