i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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