Little spoons don't ask big questions
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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