I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am one with the molecules
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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