I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
