Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize