Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
