rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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