Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
