Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
