There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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