He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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