Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
