Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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