I wish I could teleport
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
