We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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