Say something about gay babies.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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