I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize