Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
