forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My ass is underappreciated
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
