I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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