you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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