Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
