i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
