I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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