Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
