dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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