i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
