I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
