Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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