is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
