It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
