The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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