so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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