I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
