I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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