pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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