I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
