I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We have so much sex to catch up on
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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