# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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