dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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