So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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