you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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