How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
