she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
