Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
