I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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