I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
