so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
