I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
