Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize