you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
