I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
