Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
