I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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