You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Vodka?
Forever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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