I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
