Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
