i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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