I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
