I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
