doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
