he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just high enough for therapy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
