I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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