I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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