What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
