my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
