I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
