She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
