my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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