I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
