Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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