Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think my vagina is haunted
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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