I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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