I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
