Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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