i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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