You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
